Friends and Family Play Cupid in Korea
Even though many Koreans believe in destiny, they don’t leave their love lives entirely to chance. They put in the effort to ensure they’re meeting “verified” individuals. In Korea, your friends, family, or even your coworker playing Cupid and become your personal matchmaker. They carefully pairing you with someone who matches your age and social status, like having a similar job or lifestyle. It’s like having a real-life dating app, but with the trust factor cranked up to the max because these matchmakers know both parties well. This way, So-gae-ting, you get to meet verified individuals without the worry of encountering fake profiles. So, it’s not just about dating; it’s a social event, a bit of fun, and sometimes, the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Why is verification so crucial?
There are a few reasons for this, which tie into Korea’s perfectionist culture. Traditionally, marriage failures have been heavily stigmatized, with divorce being something people and their families would rather keep under wraps. As a result, Koreans have developed a habit of thoroughly verifying their potential marriage partners to avoid failure. Imagine marrying someone who claims to be a doctor, only to later discover they’re actually unemployed. The chances of divorce would skyrocket. To prevent surprises like this and reduce the risk of failure, Koreans place a strong emphasis on checking their partner’s credentials, making sure everything adds up before taking the plunge.
Coffee Dates with the Boss’s Nephew
Another reason blind dates feel so natural in Korea is the importance placed on the ‘relationship’ with the matchmaker. For instance, if a female employee’s boss wants to introduce her to his nephew, she might agree to meet him for coffee or dinner—even if she’s not actively looking for a partner—out of consideration for her relationship with her boss. The nephew understands this dynamic, too. He knows you’re not desperate; you’re just being polite. This unspoken understanding transforms the first meeting into a casual, low-pressure hangout rather than an awkward or forced date. It’s all about keeping things light and comfortable. Whether the setup comes from a boss, a friend, or a family member, a blind date in Korea often feels more like a friendly conversation than a formal romantic interview.
Are They Polite or Truly Interested?
As I mentioned earlier, maintaining good manners during a blind date is common courtesy, especially considering your relationship with the matchmaker. But how can you tell if the other person is just being polite or genuinely interested? This is where things get tricky—and where the real game often begins—when it’s time to settle the bill.
In Korea, it’s uncommon to split the bill on a first date. Instead, if the date involves dinner and coffee, one person typically pays for the meal, and the other covers the café.
For example, if the guy pays for dinner and they head to a café, the woman might say, ‘The coffee is on me.’ The guy’s reaction to this can be very telling. There are two common responses. The first is letting her pay, which is usually no big deal. The second is insisting on paying himself, and this can mean something more. If he’s adamant about paying, it’s a strong sign he’s really into her.
On the flip side, if she insists on paying despite his objections, it often signals that she doesn’t plan on seeing him again. By covering the coffee, she’s essentially settling any ‘debt’ and making it clear she doesn’t want to feel obligated to meet again. Fascinating, isn’t it, how these subtle cues reveal so much?
After : More Than Just Small Talk
If there’s mutual interest after the first meeting, the man often suggests an ‘After,’ though it’s not strictly his role. Here’s where it gets fun—these follow-up dates can be anything from movie marathons to crafting sessions. Couples might bond over pottery or even break a sweat together at the gym. The goal is to get to know each other better in a variety of settings.
But the relationship rules don’t stop there. If the matchmaker happens to be a parent or an elder, the date might be considered a ‘맞선 (Mat-sun),’ or formal match. In this case, even if there aren’t sparks on the first date, politeness often requires giving it a fair chance with two or three more dates. It’s like having extra opportunities to see if something clicks. For many young people, it’s also about not wanting to disappoint their elders. It’s a delicate balance between showing respect and pursuing love.
Professional Matchmakers and Grades : Love, for a Fee
For those who feel they lack matchmaking opportunities through their personal network, companies like ‘듀오 (Duo)’ or ‘가연 (Ga-yeon)’ offer professional blind date services for a fee. Despite the growing trend of seeking more natural encounters (‘자연스러운 만남 추구,’ or Ja-man-chu), the demand for these professional services continues to rise.
These companies evaluate and score individuals based on factors like age, job, appearance, assets, and even their parents’ background, using these scores to determine the grade of potential matches. (Apparently, you can even pay extra to be introduced to higher-graded partners than your own grade.) This numerical matching system is particularly appealing to those looking for partners with a similar social and economic status.
Self-Introductions: The DIY Approach to So-gae-ting
But wait, there’s more! Another rising trend is ‘셀소 (Self-Introductions),’ where people can connect for a blind date by introducing themselves online—no matchmaker needed. This often happens on platforms like ‘블라인드 (Blind).’ Unlike typical dating apps, Blind requires users to verify their employment through a company email account or national license. That’s right—no fakes allowed! This clever system ensures a basic level of trust in the provided information, setting it apart from the usual swipe-right experience.
The Most Common Path to ‘I Do’ in Korea
Most of my friends are married, and guess what? Around 80% of them met their better halves through blind dates! Another 15% found love in school, bonding over textbooks and shared dreams. The remaining 5% met through other quirky ways, like those fun group dates or 미팅 (meeting) that students love. These days, while some couples meet through 헌팅 (hunting) at 포차 (Pochas) or clubs, I don’t personally know anyone who found their soulmate that way.
In short, blind dates in Korea are more than just a way to meet someone—they’re social events brimming with excitement, a sprinkle of fun, and the thrill of connecting with someone pre-approved by your inner circle. It’s a careful quest for ‘destiny,’ blending the magic of fate with the practical assurance of a good match. Whether it’s a dinner date arranged by your mom’s friend or a casual coffee meetup set up by your bestie, every so-gae-ting is a step closer to finding that special someone!
